Showing Up


As you can imagine, Mindy and I have had a lot of conversations over the last few days about Dad, what we loved about him - and why we loved him so deeply.

A recurring theme is that we loved Dad because he always "showed up".

See, we've come to realize that there are people who may be IN your life - who are not necessarily PART of your life.  And that being PART of our lives, even when it was difficult, or uncomfortable, even when "showing up" meant putting our needs, or desires ahead of his own - that is where Dad exceled.  And that is one of the things we truly loved about him.

Dad didn't shy away from love when it got inconvenient, messy or hard...and that's important, because LIFE IS inconvenient, messy and hard.  

And it is certain that the people you know and love will go through things that will challenge you mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.  The trick is, to "show up" even when that is the case.

Dad's last days were hard.  

While in Bronson Hospital he was in constant pain, and each day he was there he got weaker.  It became hard for him to move on his own, hard for him to sit up, hard for him to get comfortable.  During this time we adjusted him in his bed, helped him to sit up, and enlisted the help of nurses and aides to ensure his pain medication was right.  However, watching your once strong dad struggle, and not being able to "fix" things - was hard.

Once we moved Dad to the hospice facility, we fed him ice chips.  We swabbed his mouth.  We held his hand.  And we did not leave his side.  We made sure he knew he was loved and appreciated.  We told him what a good job he had done.  We assured him that we would be with him as long as he needed us. We told him we would miss him when he was gone - but that he needn't worry.  Watching Dad's body shut down - was hard.

In his last few hours Dad developed a "gurgle".  It's one "they" talk about and we all knew what it meant.  It was difficult to listen to, because we knew we were near the end and that Dad was never going to come home.  That was hard.

But shying away from any part of this would have been a disservice to Dad, and the love we have for him.

Before Jesus was arrested he went to the garden of Gethsemane with his disciples to pray.  Knowing what was coming, He took Peter, James and John away from the rest and said, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.  Stay here and keep watch with me." (Matthew 26:38).  

However, Peter, James and John fell asleep.  Three times this happened.  Three times Jesus asked these men to support him - but they could not, did not because staying awake was hard.  They didn't "show up".

Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

My dear readers - life is messy.  It is difficult.  It is inconvenient.  But "showing up" for someone means putting their needs ahead of your own, and being willing to do whatever it takes to be "there" for them.  

Even if it means getting dirty.  

Even when it is hard.  

Even when it is inconvenient...

THIS is what love looks like.




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